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Day 29: Kulob, Tajikistan because google maps screwed us

Friday 8th September 2017 at 12:31

 

Today was another day where we had to go waaaay out of the way to get to our next checkpoint. We’ve been debating on whether or not we would have time to do the Pamir highway aka the M41, which is a thousand kilometer road through the Pamir mountains in Tajikistan. By all accounts it is supposed to be a gorgeous drive, rallyers past have said it was one of their favorite things about the Mongol Rally. The problem is the road is utter hell and would take 4-5 days to drive and that’s assuming there are no major problems. Projecting forward we’ve been a little concerned with our timeline. Due to a mistake on the Russian side our Russian visas are set to expire September 3, a Sunday. At the end of the rally our car has to get on a train in Ulan Ude, Russia and will be sent to Estonia to be scrapped. The train yard only accepts cars on weekdays, which means Friday the 1st is the last day we could drop it off. The rally organizers informed us that the yard only processes about 20 cars a day and it requires an appointment (and can’t be same day) so building in a little extra buffer time we would have to be at the finish line by Aug 30 at the latest. That gave us 16 days maximum to drive through 5 countries, crossing 5 borders. Mongolia is said to take 5 days to cross, we would lose one day crossing into Russia and then into Mongolia, Kazahkstan would be 3 days, and 2 to cross through Kyrgyzstan. Add that to the 4 days it would take to drive through Tajikistan and we have an extremely tight window, and it would require no seriously problems. Believe me when I say that this part of the trip has gotten a little stressful. Oh yeah, and Mitch was trying to be back stateside for a wedding on the 1st, and Hendrick wanted to be back in the UK for his daughters birthday on the 1st as well.

So, to Pamir or not to Pamir was the question. We were leaning towards no, but decided to get to Kevron and then make that decision. Kevron is about 300 km to the east on the M41, but we’d gotten reports that the road is absolutely terrible and would take 10 hours to drive if we were lucky. This brings us back to our alternate longer route to the south. Google maps said it was 380 km and would take 7 hours. That still meant 10 hours most likely, but it was also in theory considerably less wear and tear on the car, so that’s what we decided to do. First we had to get groceries and a few other things before heading out. While walking around look what I found. I have a feeling Keanu Reeves does not know he’s in this ad.

We all needed to top off our tanks and fill up our spares, so we stopped at a gas station right outside of town that had a sign that said they took credit cards. Sweet! Wrong. Half the time those stickers don’t mean anything once you leave Europe. Even more frustrating is that the service guy started pumping the gas before telling us he wouldn’t take cards, but he hadn’t put in much by the time we stopped him. After some arguing back and forth because we didn’t have any local currency, we threw $2 at him and went across the street. Again, we asked before they started pumping if they took CC. This time the girl attendant verified twice that she did. Awesome. Our tank was about dry, so between that and our cans we got about 70 liters of gas. So we go to the window to pay aaaaaand the girl behind the counter said no, no credit cards. Thing is I was staring right at the little hand held machine, which was plugged in mind you. Alex pulled out his handy Russian book and came to find out that they did take cards, but she had no idea how to use the machine. What in the hell…she works there. It took a solid 10 minutes to get this squared away, and in the mean time we were trying to figure out what the USD equivalent would be – which she didn’t want to take either. Eventually she decided to call someone else who explained how the machine works. Ta-da! Throughout all that she neglected to ring up the little mountain few that Ryan wanted. By that I mean I just took it off the shelf in front of her and walked to the car. I regret nothing, judge me if you want.

Have I mentioned that Google maps is borderline useless here? The time projections are way way way off, and it also recommends going ways that you probably shouldn’t. For instance, it wanted us to climb this mountain pass, winding back and forth up and down these narrow crappy roads. At one point we drove through a little village and a couple of the people waved and then put their arms up and made an X, indicating don’t go that way. A little ominous, but we decided to press forward a little bit. 15 or so later we passed another group of people doing who knows what on the side of this mountain road. We were the front of the convoy so we kept going, while the Aussies and Brits stopped to talk to them to figure out what was going on. After a few minutes of not seeing them behind us we pulled over and waited for them to join us.

They didn’t. I walked back up that way, and eventually the other 2 brought the car up the road. Those people also said not to go down the road, rockslide or something was blocking it, or who knows what. They told us to double back and at a certain point take a right and cut through to join the tunnel. What the fuck google, the map shows the tunnel as not finished and not connected to the main highway, that’s why we were taking this stupid mountain road.

It was totally connected, and the highway was really nice. We continued on with the Aussies leading the way. We had wasted so much time on this road that it became clear we weren’t going to make our destination, we would only be getting about half way. That mistake cost us half a day, thanks google.

We were trying to get as close to Kulob as we could, which was the halfway point. Down that way was a river that we thought it would be nice to camp next to. We did manage to get there with the sun still up, so we detoured from the main road and drove down this little farm road that sort of hugged the river. Turns out that little farm road was going straight through this village and we couldn’t really find anywhere to pull off. Again, thanks google. We had to creep through this place which I’m sure made quite a few people’s day if not year and we had kids chasing after us and what not. Bad place to stop because you’re basically going to get mobbed by children, and none of us were in the mood for that. At a certain point there was a road that went left towards the river, so we decided to take our chances know that it was really unlikely that it would be uninhabited. For a moment it was, but then amazingly the shanty houses disappeared from the gravel road and the next thing you know we’re driving between farmland.

At the end of the gravel road we found a place we could pull off into a little field. We didn’t see anyone around so excitedly we set up camp for the night. The only downside was the pasture was obviously a huge cattle crossing, and the way it was obvious was that the entire field was a minefield of poop. Finding a 4×8 piece of flat ground with no poop took a little bit. Someone made us a tasty little dinner and we drank some not too terrible wine under the stars. The sky was incredibly bright. Being able to see the band of the Milky Way is something that’s hard to see back home.

Day 28: Dushanbe, Tajikistan
Day 30: Kulob to somewhere across from Afghanistan

Related Posts

  • Sunday 6th May 2018 at 18:29

    Day 47: Finish line +2

    Ryan and I decided to wander around in the afternoon and find some souvenirs. Somewhere along the way we heard some gibberish coming from a loudspeaker in the town square so we headed that way. Turns out it was A BREAK DANCE BATTLE! The guy on the P.A. just kept yelling “blah blah ALL STYLES.”

    For a town square middle of the afternoon break dance battle it ended up being incredibly lame. I’ve seen a better break dance battle start spontaneously at an LMFAO concert 7 years ago, so color me unimpressed. We walked around for a little longer and decided to find some food. Italian sounded awesome, we hadn’t had a solid pizza since America. We did find an Italian place, but we did not find good pizza. Google translate struggled to translate the all Russian menu but we ordered what was supposed to be a “meatlovers” or so we thought. Sorry for the blurry picture, but the pizza had possibly no sauce on it and was just cheese, ham and pickles? Silly Russia…

    Ryan had a flight out that night, so we said our goodbyes. What a fucking adventure.

     

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  • Sunday 6th May 2018 at 18:18

    Day 46: Finish line +1

     

    Uuuuughhh very rough start. I think I had a 10am appointment to take our car to the train yard and sign over the title but there was no fucking way that was going to happen. We had a very late night and a ton of beer. Rich and I stayed out until close to 4. I think I peeled myself out of bed around 1 and managed to get the car to the rail yard by 2 or so. Thankfully the appointment slots didn’t really mean much, the people there would take about 20 cars per day and it didn’t matter when – unofficially. One of our license plates had rattled off somewhere in Mongolia but I was determined to keep the other one but I had to take it off stealthily, which I successfully did. Then it was time to say goodbye to el Doblo. She done good.

    There were a couple Aussies at the yard at the same time so we all shared an uber back to the finish line. There was an awesome and empty massive bar there with wi-fi. The only thing left to do was to find a flight home. I had tried the day before but the airline sites were timing out for some reason. Getting home from Ulan-Ude isn’t exactly tricky but it requires flying to Moscow first, which was the part I was having difficulty with. The flights 2 days later were filling up and the tickets went from a little over $300 to $500 by the time I was able to book a ticket. Flights from Moscow were surprisingly cheap from being so far away, somewhere in the $500 range. Thankfully I remember to check the American Airlines website because it just so happened I had enough miles to fly home from Moscow for free AND first class the entire way. After 6 weeks on the road a little luxury was a welcome surprise.

    Mitch had flown home early that morning but Ryan and I were still in town along with the Birch brothers as well as Hendrick and Dave from Starsky and Dutch. We decided we should find a nice restaurant that night for dinner, which we did sort of. Honestly don’t remember a ton of details because as soon as my flight was booked I hit the beers once again to celebrate with more of the teams that were arriving at the finish. We hit a few bars that night and then unfortunately all had to say goodbye. Ryan and I didn’t fly our respective ways for 2 days (that crazy son of a bitch flew to southeast Asia after our trip) but everyone else left in the morning.

     

     

     

     

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  • Sunday 6th May 2018 at 17:41

    Day 45: The Mongol F’ing Rally Finish Line

    Today would be the last early morning of the trip. We got up a little after 7, prayed the cars would start, and then headed to the finish line which was about 3 hours away.

    I spent the first half of the drive thinking about the journey and what I would write to my friends and family on Facebook. I’ll admit that I was fighting back tearing up at the thought of getting there and how much the trip had meant. The guys let me take over for the last leg of the drive so that I could be the one to drive to the finish. Very cool.

    For being in the middle of absolutely nowhere Ulan-Ude is a surprisingly big city. It took a while to wind through the city and then all of a sudden we pulled into a big open courtyard and there it was.

    We waited our turn to drive up on to the stage and get some incredibly awesome pictures taken. After all we’d been through, after all the car had been through. I’m still a little shocked that the Doblo pulled it off. We had cursed it a million times and we couldn’t be ready to be done with it. To it’s credit though that stupid car made it. We limped to the finish line, but we still made it.

    There was a ton of paperwork to fill out, including writing our team info on a big board of everyone else who had made it. 45 days later. Out of around 300 teams we finished #108 I believe. As you can imagine we took a ton of pictures, and got a lot with our convoy mates. We have all been together since Turkmenistan.

    After that it was up to us to do with all our stuff. We sorted through everything we had looking for any souvenirs. Anything that was still in good condition we added to the donation pile. Mitch decided to take quite a big souvenir for himself, which he managed to do with an axe.

    We all booked a room at a hotel a few miles from the finish line, aaaaaaand then we started drinking and didn’t stop.

    For those interested here’s my finish line FB post:

    “This is a little surreal. After a year of planning and 7 weeks on the road here we are at the finish line of something I never thought I’d be able to do. The Mongol Rally has probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s been mentally exhausting, physically grueling, frustrating, and stressful. There were a lot of points where we could have given up. Our car is a 13 year old Italian car that has no business being where we’ve taken it. Our engine blew up, our fuel pump is patched together with bailing wire and glue, all of the suspension is gone. We’ve been stranded in some of the most desolate places I’ve ever been. But we didn’t give up.

    It’s also been an incredible and once in a lifetime experience that’s taken me through places I’d never see otherwise. We’ve met so many wonderful and hilarious people along the way and made some great friends. This picture is 100% worth the trouble it took to get here.

    Understandably there was a lot of concern for our safety and well being traveling through 20 countries. One of the things I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else is that the world isn’t as scary as we sometimes think it is. There hasn’t been a moment over the last 7 weeks that I’ve felt threatened in any way.

    While there is a small fraction that try to make it seem otherwise, this world of ours is absolutely full of good people. The amount of kindness and hospitality we’ve received from strangers is indescribable and unrepayable. We made it to the end in large part due to help from people who don’t speak our language and will never see again, who didn’t have to but many times went out of their way to help us. There hasn’t been any point where our nationality has been an issue. Whether it was the hundreds of honks and waves we got or sharing vodka with Russian border guards (one of whom may or not be in the mob, gave me his #, an open invitation to stay at his home and said he’d beat up anyone who gave us any trouble in Russia – thanks Stas!) most people don’t give a fuck about geopolitics and are just very appreciative that we came to visit their country. They were great representatives of theirs and we’ve done our best to be good unofficial ambassadors for America.

    From the bottom of my heart I want to thank my teammates Ryan Goodman and Mitch Walker for going on this crazy adventure. Thank you Rachel for being supportive of this dream of mine, being ok with me being away for 7 weeks. Thank you Robby and Nate for taking care of the office. Thank you to our friends and family for your generous donations to us and our charity. Thank you to our sponsors for helping make the trip a little easier. To a far lesser degree thanks to the cop in Kazakhstan who let me talk him out of a ticket, we all know not having your headlights on at 11 am is a stupid law. Last not least, thank you Doblo for letting us beat you up.

    So be nice to people. Be even nicer to strangers. And always bring a towel.”

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    CLICK TO READ MORE

Recent Posts

  • Day 47: Finish line +2
  • Day 46: Finish line +1
  • Day 45: The Mongol F’ing Rally Finish Line
  • Day 44: The home stretch
  • Day 43: We made it to to Ulaan-F’N-Baatar
  • Day 42: Mongolia day 3, the never-ending plains
  • Day 41: Mongolia day 2. This place kills cars.
  • Day 40: I can’t believe it, we’re in Mongolia
  • Day 39: We made it. The Mongolian f’n border!
  • Day 38: Camping in the Altai mountains
  • Day 37: Russian tradition!
  • Day 36: Kazakhstan pt 2, extortion day!
  • Day 35: Kazakhstan day 1, no Borat sighting
  • Day 34: Through the rest of Kyrgyzstan
  • Day 33: Getting the F out of Tajikistan
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